http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esYBojCUSHg and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idA6fCAHVzs by BRIAN DOERKSEN
Hello Saints of God, how is everyone doing today? Me, I'm doing well, can't complain... God is good. My brother in Christ Ray Mattel sent me the link of You are Everything by Brian Doerksen and I added one of my favorites by him too called, Refiner's Fire, which is my daily prayer. What annointed songs these are, I love Brian Doerksen's worship songs, they really lead me to the throne of God. I was on the train this morning listening to his Today CD and all I wanted to do is get up and start praise dancing, I was visualizing the whole choreography in my head. Can you imagine if someone started to break into praise dancing on the train? Oh my gosh... anyway, streams of tears started to come down my face as I listened to this cd. Whenever that occurs, I'm always trying to quickly wipe the tears away, so noone would notice. But that's one thing about New York is that noone cares anyway, HA! What I mean to say is that people don't bud into your affairs, they mind their own business. So you can be sitting there crying your guts out and people won't pay you no mind... I can't say I'm like that though... I just don't have it in me to ignore someone that's crying.In any event, that's not what I wanted to write about, what I actually wanted to write about is Jesus. He is EVERYTHING! Hallelujah! I was sharing with Ray this morning how it's so amazing when you enter into that place with God, where you just lose yourself and are just in His presence. I always say to God, can I stay here? I mean, can I just camp out and hang out with you like this forever... HA HA... He says, yes, when I'm done with you on earth, you'll spend eternity like this with Me. But right now, you need to stay on earth and serve me, despite the challenges, despite the hurts, despite the betrayals, despite it all... however, I will give you glimpses of my glory to sustain and encourage you along the way. You know, that sort of reminded me of Mark 9:2-5, "And after six days Jesus taketh [with him] Peter, and James, and John, and leadeth them up into an high mountain apart by themselves: and he was transfigured before them. And his raiment became shining, exceeding white as snow; so as no fuller on earth can white them. And there appeared unto them Elias with Moses: and they were talking with Jesus. And Peter answered and said to Jesus, Master, it is good for us to be here: and let us make three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias." You got to love Peter... I mean, I can relate... LOL! Then, what came to mind is how inadequate I think I am in light of who He is and why would He want to use an imperfect specimen like myself. Seriously... I mean, I don't measure up, and quite frankly, I don't think I ever will. And then there is the factor of others seeing your failure, and saying, but aren't you a Christian? Do you ever get that? I mean, I'm keeping it real here... you know, I try as I may to walk as a Christian, and quite frankly, if you were to look at my statistics and grade me, I probably would get a big fat F. So, I told God this morning, why in the world do you want to use me to serve you, if I have failed you time and time again? I mean, why would you do something like that, when there are more qualified candidates for the job? He tells me, I delight in using broken vessels like you... because when you're broken, I receive the glory and not you. I was walking to work and I had to stop for that one... wow... that was deep... you know Saints, it's so true, it's not about us at all... it's all about Him. If we can just get our eyes off of ourselves and onto God, there is no limit in what He can do in and through our lives. I can honestly confess to all of you, that even though I may get an F as a grade, my spirit loves Jesus passionately. I love Jesus and I'm not embarrassed to declare that to anyone anywhere anytime. I am coming to realize that I will always be human, but I can continue to grow and allow God to use everything, the bad and the good, to build my character, day by day, image by image, until I meet Him face to face. Sure, there will be some failures along the way, but there will also be some victories too, but we must continue on and not give up.I also realize that when I'm worshipping and I'm not thinking about me, my spirit can soar... I realize that our spirit in unity with His Spirit is joyful and peaceful. It's our mind and flesh that keeps us trapped and bound up... the more we can get our eyes off of ourselves and on to Jesus, we can experience Him in greater and deeper ways. I just know that when I do, I have this insatiable hunger for more of Him... it's an amazing experience, and it goes beyond feeling or emotion... You just know He's real and that He is all the Bible says He is and that's just so reassuring and uplifting. I just wanted to share this with all of you today... may the Lord continue to bless and encourage each one of you. Thank you for all your prayers, I truly appreciate it. In His love, Sister P.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Today I was sitting on the train this morning, when I noticed to the right of me, this homeless woman. She was about in her early 60's, of oriental decent and seemed tormented. My heart went out to her as I watched her expressions and how disheveled she appeared. Her legs appeared swollen and she had these huge bags that she was carrying although she was very small in stature. I don't know, but I took pity on her as she sat there alone, noone had a care in the world as they passed her by. How is it that we get so callous? I wondered if she had family and why she was alone like this? I thought of what lead her to be where she is today? If she had any family and if they even cared what happened to her? Then I thought about Jesus... the Bible refers to Him as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief... Isaiah 53:3 He knows how this woman felt in the deepest recesses of her mind and heart. Jesus understand where she is, and where each of us is at. It is encouraging for me to know that He cares, He cares about that woman in torment as He cares about each one of us.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Today I've been thinking about freedom a lot, freedom from our pasts specifically... and what "freedom" actually signifies and how my life has been all about actively pursuing it. However, sometimes I think it's just the figment of my imagination, the concept of actually attaining freedom. For every time I turn around, there something hindering our paths to achieve it. It gets so bloody annoying sometimes, this harping on the same self indulgent nonsense, such as, I had a terrible childhood, my ex boyfriend or rather ex husband ruined my life, my mother and father never loved me, that's why I am the way I am. I am a mess and it's all their fault. It's this ones fault and that ones fault, or worse, we blame God. But who tells us we have to stay stuck in the muck all our lives, licking our wounds like some old bitches (for the politically correct, bitch means dog). Granted, I can only speak for myself, but come on, enough is enough already. When are we just going to snap out of it and realize that life is for the making. And if we are just going to continue to sit around dwelling on our pasts, feeling sorry for ourselves all the time, playing the victim, we are wasting precious time. Because the one thing that never stops is the hourglass of time... it moves, there is constant movement whether we decide to move along with it or continue to stay stagnant... time still trudges forward and stops for noone... So the question is, how long are we going to sit around in the muck of self pity? When will we wake up and finally move forward and grab for that freedom we all long for? The choice is ours.