Thursday, March 10, 2011

Exposure

I haven't blogged here in a long time and the reason why I stopped was because I got discouraged that noone was reading it.

However, as a result of being recently challenged, I started to really think about why I started blogging/writing in the first place. I realized it wasn't for myself, but for the Lord; as an act of service to bless others. The bible speaks against burying our talents (Matthew 25:18).

Lately, I have been taking an inventory of myself. I believe it is the result of my taking an evangelism class at church called "The Way of the Master". It's really an amazing class, and there were things I didn't know or was even aware of and learned being a born again believer for many years.

What I am discovering is that I'm finding witnessing to others very difficult, challenging as well as humbling. I'm realizing that based on the fact that I come from an abusive background, I don't handle rejection very well. So witnessing taps into this fear.

Recently, I stepped out and decided to try something new. I applied to become a member of a well known Christian publisher blogging network. I love to read and write, so I figured I could make use of myself by blogging for them. Unfortunately, I was met with some rejection, and I admit I didn't handle it very well. I guess it tapped into all of these emotions.

I'm not having an easy time writing this, but I sense the Lord wants me to expose it for what it is, instead of burying or avoiding it which is what I usually do. Rejection hurts and I've made it a practice to avoid it at all costs. But, if I was going to think logically about it, instead of emotionally, rejection is big part of life. There is no way around it.

I honestly try and remind myself of this, but it still really troubles me. You would think that I would have developed a thicker skin by my being met with so much rejection in my life, but it's the contrary. It's as if I have no threshold for it, which just makes me want to avoid, hide, bury it. However, I'm realizing the Lord doesn't really want me to do this anymore. And He's allowing certain things to happen to me in order to have me confront it.

I'm still learning, growing and maturing at 44. The Lord is giving me a choice; I can either stay stunted or push through my fear, pain and hurt. If I don't deal with it or confront it, it will find a way to manifest itself anyway. So I might as well deal with it, or it will be found out as much as I try and mask it or avoid it.

Furthermore, depending on the degree or severity, it can be very ugly. Thereby giving others the opportunity to judge you and your [over] reaction as something contrary to who you really are.

In saying all this, I'm going to commit to writing on this blog at least once a week from now on. I'm just going to step out, face my fear and give it to the Lord. I hope you will join me on this journey.

Thanks for reading and God bless you.

14 comments:

Josef Arsenec said...

Praise God, that's awesome my sister. The Lord will use you to do great things for Him just you wait and see.


Your Brother in Christ, Josef A.

Josef Arsenec said...

We can change the world my sister, with faith in the Lord we can change the world!!!!!

Sister P said...

Thank you so much my brother! I appreciate your leaving a comment, it's encouraging. God bless you.

Cherie Hill said...

Thank you for the follow sister! I will be stopping by more often to be encouraged in my faith walk!
Blessings!
Cherie

7533ed8c-4b82-11e0-a1d3-000bcdcb5194 said...

I'm so glad you decided to continue to push through your fears. I've been dealing with fear myself this year and I decided to confront it head on. God is always with us so there's no need to fear. Keep writing and inspiring.

Pam

shoe.bx said...

Bsp, the Lord has given you this gift for writing, from your heart. You have blessed me and will continue to bless others with your blog. Keep writing and sharing your story and journey.

Mr.B said...

Sister P. Sister P. Welcome home. Cyber space beware, the transparent soldier for Truth begins a new season here. May the Lord bring you to exactly where He has ordered your steps. "In His love ministries" in His Perfect timing. Amen.

Judith Palmer said...

Write on sister, in your being vulnerable and open you help others who are suffer with the same fears. Like me. love you

Judith

Greg said...

Sister P, your sharing and ministry is one of my favorites. So down-to-earth and compassionate. There's already enough places we can see glazed eyes, poofy hair and toothy, heartless smiles out there - I prefer hearing the real deal from you, my sister!!

--Greg

Anonymous said...

Wow, I agree with so much of what you said about "rejection". And I'm sooooo proud of you for going forth and having the courage to deal with it instead of avoiding it, which is of course the easier thing to do. I want to share with you a way that I found supported me in dealing with and changing my relationship with "rejection". I learned to see "rejection" as an opportunity. After all, rejection is not a "fact" its an "interpretation". It's "up to me" to have an empowering or disempowering interpretation. Rejection can be viewed as a "not now" or a "not yet" rather then as a "no" or "never". It could also be viewed as "when one door closes, another opens", it could also be viewed as a challenge of commitment/determination to realize a vision/goal/intention/commitment...etc I guess what I'm trying to say is that I command you for dealing with the painful emotions associated with facing rejection. I know it's far from easy. My suggestion is to change your relationship with it all together because even when facing rejection, if there's any "resistance" present, it still could be pretty painful, hard, frustrating... and it could make you want to avoid it even more... But if you have a different relationship with it and kinda welcome it rather then resisting it, "rejection" becomes way easier to handle cause you wouldn't even need to "handle it" cause you'd have a different way of viewing and experiencing it. Does that make any sense? I feel like I just went off on a long tangent. Anyway, I hope this helps:)! I hope you keep on writing Pilar what ever comes to your heart! You are amazing and an inspiration to many, probably all that know you. You are a true light of God and I am sure that when He looks down at you He smiles:). Love you!
Yelena

Mr.B said...

Yelena makes a great point here. Its interesting,that I jjst now got the notification of there being a new comment . I didn't see the comment when it was made , I wonder if others experienced the same notfication issue.

Pilar Arsenec said...

You know why, because I am implementing what I'm learning and applied a different application for comments. I tell you this is like having a second job, but I love it :) Thanks for all your support and encouragement B, it means the world to me.

Brother Josef said...

That's great that you are getting back at it my sister, you are a great writer and the best thing about it is that you are a Kodesh spirit filled sister!I pray that YHWH continues to blessed you as you let your light shine for Yahshua.
Shalom Alecheim.


Brother,Josef

pilararsenec said...

Thank you for your encouragement Brother Josef.  I appreciate it.  Yes, I've been blogging/book reviewing consistently now and trying to build my platform with the help of God and for His glory.