Friday, October 5, 2012

Holy Surrender

Courtesy of Creative Commons
Daniel Smith Photography
   
God woke me up at 6:00am this morning. I don't know what is happening lately, but I feel as if my heart is about to explode. Since reading books like Mary DeMuth's Everything and Seth Barnes Kingdom Journeys, something is changing in me. I can't quite put my finger on it or explain it, but it's all good.

I woke up to this song on my mind, "A Broken Spirit and a Contrite Heart". Interesting that I would wake up to this song in my head. It's not like I've been thinking about Psalm 51 which is David's prayer of repentance to God after committing adultery.
For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering.
 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise. ~ Psalm 51:16-17
I meditated on the above verses this morning and just wept. I have no idea why I was weeping or why my heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest. But I didn't move, I just stayed with it and worshiped God.

I have this great love for God, but if I try to explain how or why, I am at a loss for words. How does one explain the enormity of God's love? Words get in the way or become small and limiting. He is so big and vast. He is beyond beauty and grace. He's perfect and wonderful.

My logical mind wants to confine or define Him. But you can't put God in a box or explain Him. He says, I am that I Am. Simple as that. But we seem to want to complicate Him.

There are times I want to convey Him to others. I want them to see the enormity of His love. But again, I am limited. Limited by my flaws and failures.

My words don't do Him justice. I can't really translate what it is I feel for Him. My love for Him goes beyond feeling and emotions. I just know Him.

I hear Him, feel Him, see Him and love Him. He is the air I breathe and my beating heart. He is the light by day and a song by night. He is my inspiration. He is my all and all.

The constant wooing, yearning, craving and longing perpetually drawing me to Him. Sometimes I don't know whether to throw myself at His feet or scream from the highest mountain. The intensity of His love is too much for my body and heart to contain.

How do you explain love? When you love someone, you know you love them. From hence does it come?
It comes from God. The creator of the universe. He composites love. He embodies love. He creates love. He is love.

By now, you are probably wondering if I'm a flake? Nope. I'm not. I'm just sharing my love affair with you.
My intimacy and relationship with God is a big part of who I am. I am who I am because of Him. He created and formed me. He gives me life, He makes me breath, He motivates and inspires me. He makes my heart sing and speaks to me in the night. He is my constant companion and my loyal friend.

Jesus is my Everything.

So no, I don't know what exactly is happening, but I want more. I want to experience the fullness of God. The depths and heights of His love, I want to experience it all.  I don't want the rules and regulations. I don't want the stale bread of religion. I don't want to live a hum drum existence. I want to live a life of bountiful faith. I want to live fully alive.

I want to live holy surrendered in Him.

In conclusion, I want to share an awesome worship song I listened to this morning. It's called "Sweetly Broken" by Jeremy Riddle. I love the lyrics.

3 comments:

Heidi Kreider said...

this is beautiful my friend. I'm excited for you! :)

Pilar Arsenec said...

Thank you, Heidi. Yes, it's an interesting season. :)

Anonymous said...

You got a really useful blog. I have been here reading for about an hour. I am a newbie and your success is very much an inspiration for me.